Where NOT to go on holidays

New York for Independence Day, Dublin for St Patrick's Day and a Royal Wedding in England. 

These are locations and events that go together, that you should experience once.

But what about – wrong place, wrong time?

Here is my list Where not to be during your holidays.

New Year – Rural China

December 31/ January 1 – Time to ring out the old year and herald the New Year? Not in China – Chinese New Year is in February silly.

Outback, Australia
C) fifiheavey

Australia Day – Outback

“Stick another shrimp on the Barbie” and lets open and tinnie and celebrate Australia Day. Not in the outback of Western Oz – they look strangely at you and wonder what all the commotion is about!

Valentines Day – Iran

Want to declare your love on February 14. not in Iran: “Symbols of hearts, half-hearts, red roses, and any activities promoting this day are banned," announced state media last month. "Authorities will take legal action against those who ignore the ban."

St Patrick's Day- Saudi Arabia

Bethlehem
(c) fifiheavey

Ah a day to don the green and drown a shamrock. Nope not here the state completely bans the production, importation or consumption of alcohol and imposes strict penalties on those violating the ban, including weeks to months of imprisonment, and possible lashes.

Christmas Day, Bethlehem

It might be a day for peace and love all over the world, but it could turn ugly in Bethlehem as different religious denominations fight to mark the day.

Also avoid any country where a member of the monarch has recently died – it usually disrupts everything, including transport.

And do not go near New Zealand when the lose the rugby.

Wrong place, wrong time – any stories?

Celebrating 'Irishness' on March 17

St Patrick's Day for me is one of the most ironic days of the year.

The day of full on Irishness, where listening to Diddly Eye music becomes the cool, drinking Guinness a must and a full suit of green totally acceptable- is the best day of the year NOT to be in Ireland!

You actually have not truly celebrated this island's patron saint in style if you have not done so in a foreign country. Even leaving the country to celebrate the day (weekend/ week) is not quite enough I estimate that you need to be about three months out of this Emerald Isle to truly appreciate and therefore enjoy March 17 in full.

This year Paddy's Day falls on a Saturday (2012) so we have the next day off and the one after that too (we need it - recession and all) and because of the weekend date it means all around the world we can party together (aside from some time challenges!)

When in Ireland, being Irish is so ... well ... common, right now even a little sad, but on foreign soil being Irish is well the most darn important thing in the world (even if the natives are truly sick of you and your kind!)

I am sure emigration has touched about everyone at this stage, a brothers, a sister, a best friend, cousin and it is terrible, horrible to watch them have to leave, heart breaking not to know when they will return, if they get a job, settle down, like it there ... but on the major plus side they get to celebrate St Patrick's Day in real Irish abroad style.

While we sup our pints and watch the parade, they will be flying high, dancing a jig, singing a song, flying a flag and really meaning it.

GAA jerseys from every county will combine and chat and drink and be merry, it doesn't matter if they know each other, if they will never see each other again, because for just one day, March 17 Irish people all over the world will unite.

On St Patrick's Day Irishness isn't a stamp on the front of your passport, it isn't a green white and gold flag, it isn't even an accent or a story, it is a state of mind, a piece of your heart and large proportion of your soul.

I believe St Patrick's Day was invented for Irish emigrants, because no matter how much they despise this country that has made them leave their homes, on March 17 they will only recall fond memories, funny antidotes and hazy pictures.

We can only hope that those left behind can do the same.

To the Irish at home and abroad – Happy St Patrick's Day!

High cross at the Rock of Cashel, co Tipperary
(C) fifiheavey

Australia Day is not like Paddy's Day

Australia Day is the official national day of Australia. It is a public holiday which is celebrated annually on 26 January, the day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788, the hoisting of the British flag here, and the proclamation of British sovereignty over the eastern seaboard of New Holland.

Before I visited this vast continent I had heard about the big party celebrations held in every territory across the state, and some had even described the event as "just like Paddy's Day to the Irish."

So you can imagine that after a very long drive up the West Coast as part of a tour on January 26, 2008 I was pretty excited about getting out and celebrating with the locals. Everyone on the bus (mostly from the UK) were also looking forward to some flag waving, drunken singing and general happy celebrations.

We were staying on a farm outside of Northampton, and our tour guide kindly offered to bring us to the town nearby and drop us off at the bar for our all night party.

We arrive outside a wooden exterior rural outback bar and about 15 of us offloaded and greeted the locals sitting outside (about 3 middle aged men) with a loud "Happy Australia Day!" To which the men looked up ... and sniggered – they didn't laugh, they sniggered.

I was taken aback but just thought they were the sad minority ... inside the bar there were about 20 people propping the counter. Again, they were startled with the groups' chorus. These ones didn't even snigger, they looked up, stared for longer than is polite and returned to their drinks. They were not talking to each other, there was no music and some were playing the pokies(annoying arcade games that are in every pub in OZ, even Irish ones).

So while there may be fireworks, open air events and general jolliness in the major cities of Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane it is not quite celebrated as a national holiday all over the country. We felt as if we had insulted these people, came into their town and ruined their evening by reminding them about their national holiday.

The bar man told us "We don't really celebrate the day, its just like any other."

The date is seen as controversial by some Australians, particularly Indigenous Australians, who see commemorating the arrival of the First Fleet as celebrating the destruction of the native Aboriginal culture by British colonists. It has been locally termed as "Invasion Day" and even "Survival Day."

Let me just make this clear – Australia Day is no way like Paddy's Day.

And the outback is weird and scary – but that is what makes it unique and attractive.